Begin Again at the Beginning

This morning, I was on Facebook, and noticed myself perusing a couple of my friends’ pages, looking at what they’ve been up to. Now I’ve come to realize that there are a few, specific friends who I compare myself to. As if everything they do points to everything it is that I’m not doing. And you know how social media can be, all of a sudden you’re scrolling and scrolling, timelessness prevails, falling deeper and deeper into unconscious self-loathing. Not a good place to be. Thank goodness, before it went too far, I realized what was happening. I realized how the longer I sat and gazed upon their successes, the more I slouched deeper into my chair, cultivating a stronger and stronger sense of self-hatred. The amazing thing is, once we are aware of what’s going on, we can choose differentlyI knew if I kept going, I’d continue to turn on myself, probably resulting in eventually reaching out for something that would numb this delusional state of being. Or, another option, I could shift. The trees blowing in the wind outside caught my attention, so I decided to go sit for meditation.

The thing is, no matter how far we get out of balance or into a state of suffering, it’s never too late to begin again. At any point of awakening, of becoming conscious of what’s in play, we can decide to re-commit to the present moment, to ourselves, to stillness. And at that moment, we can pull from the tools we’re collecting in our tool belts, to meet ourselves with what is going on with wisdom. I knew the perfect meditation for this moment. After feeling my heart closing with comparison and self-loathing, self-compassion was needed! And because I’ve spent time cultivating this abode of compassion, my heart was ready to open quickly. And as the heart eased, again I could breathe, I could listen to the wind, feel my body, rest back into everything being okay again.

The truth is, even if my friends are reflecting a part of myself that longs to be created and offered, I will not be able to successfully do so with a closed, downtrodden heart. In the moments of pain, step back, and choose to begin again. Pause, take a breath, sit for a moment, hug yourself, whatever it is, know that you can choose another way any time. And when we choose to return to ourselves again, that’s when dreaming and inspiration can take root!

I love you,
Gavrila Nikhila



One thought on “Begin Again at the Beginning

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  1. I really agree with this. Comparing yourself to others is not always healthy, and it seems that on Facebook, people tend to post about their successes and rarely about their failures. Saw you working at the Farmers Market, changing careers?

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