What I’ve come to realize, is that I love workshops, and therapy, and any kind of class that gets me to go deep. And in those moments, I say, “Wow, I’m really willing to show up for the work.”
And then I go home, and I see my tendency to avoid taking responsibility for my own depth, my own work, my own inner process. I see myself make excuses not to practice in the morning, or I turn to my patterned ways to escape the present moment, whatever feelings are arising that want to be met.
My therapist recently pointed out that there are those of us that love to think about and intellectualize the awakening process. But in a way, that helps us avoid going deep into it, going for the darkness, going for the sticky, icky parts of ourselves that are longing to be met. And we talked about how easy it is to sign up for things that will guide us, to read books that will tell us how to awaken, but over and over again, we refuse to drop into the body to learn the message.
While driving home today in the rain, the words popped into my head “You are all that you seek.” I know I’m not the first to hear this, to say this, but it is a reminder that we all must keep in our back pocket. It is a truth that we must take out to look at time and time again to remember the reality that what we seek is not outside of ourselves. That sure, there have been awakened adventurers that can point to the path, point to the moon, but we will never awaken to the sight of the moon until we stand in our true reality with our eyes open, willing to stand inside of the darkness to witness the silvery light.
I don’t know if it’s motivation that I need, or if it’s a comfort in being told what to do that helps me move deeper, but what I do know is that this path of awakening is MINE and mine alone. YES, my awakening is absolutely intertwined with yours, and yet, it is my own responsibility to show up to the deepest, darkest places of my being and to remember that I know how to come home. It is my responsibility to remember that I have the power and the strength and the courage to face my demons, and sure, there are techniques that can help me get there, but it is up to ME and me alone to be willing to go there.
This is our awakening. This is our promise. This is the true courage it takes to wake up from the prison that we live inside of. This is the power needed to break through to liberation.
Will you join me?