They Die, They Return.

The walls still smell like you.
No matter how much the room has changed,
I still see the hospital bed there with you lying in it.
You didn’t want to die,
I know.
Was it for us?
Did you give your life away for our transformation?
You feel far yet close.
How can I find resolve in never seeing you again?
There are fires burning here and power going out.
It all feels precarious and often I am lost within it all.
Helpless and full of fear.
The groundless ground is revealing itself,
Even though the walls still stand.
Will it be okay?
This is all I ever want to know.
Will I be okay?
Safe, protected.
I am scared, Ari.
Where are you to hold my hand, stroke my hair?
You were unafraid of the dark.
I can’t accept that you are part of my past life.
It feels like I am living a life without you.
May you be resting.
I am learning how to listen to my body again, and it is hard and it is deep.

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