Who Am I Looking For?

[Reflections upon jumping into online dating….]

The swoosh of the thumb,
Brings face after face after face.

who am I looking for?

Endlessly seeking for the one who I unconsciously believe will make me – this life – Whole.
Trying to digest the bare minimum being offered about you,
Sips of a human life that are supposed to reveal knowing.
As I search for your eyes, for the clues that will guide,
I feel an inner calculation deciding whether or not I’m good enough,
Whether or not you could love me.
If I slow things down, I realize that I must be careful not to hand my power over to you.
Holding you higher, or lower, giving you all the choice in choosing me.

who are all the ones I pile to the left?

As if they are nonentities,
Images, not human hearts.
With each swipe, I wonder about their stories.

The excitement of an unexpected match sends rains of approval,
Showering down the front of my body.
As I muster the courage to write the first means of contact,
I feel the tickling of fear graze the back of my neck.

am I more afraid of you being someone that I’ve never known,
or is it of the intimacy of revealing oneself?

You could be dangerous, kind, a pathway to love or to psychosis.
Maybe you are just another of the 7 billion, or however many there are of us, Circumnavigating this earth,
Exploring what it means to be a human heart hoping for love.

Love,
Gavrila Nikhila

Photo Credit

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