Foundations for a Loving Sangha

A traditional way to express faith in the Buddha’s teaching is to take refuge in the Triple Gem, or Three Jewels, of Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. Before I sit to meditate, I bow three times – bowing to each one of these “shelters”. As I bow to the Buddha, I reflect on the potential and proof of human awakening. As I bow to the Dharma, I reflect on the teachings that wise ones over history have protected and taught, offering us a path towards liberated existence. And as I bow to the Sangha, I rest into spiritual community and feel a shared dedication to a path of non-harming and care.

For years now, I have participated in and facilitated various groups. Knowingly or unknowingly, when we learn with others, we are participating in a kind of Sangha. As a trauma-sensitive facilitator, I was taught the process of creating community agreements at the beginning of any experience. At first the process felt like a should, something I was supposed or expected to do. It felt logistical, uninteresting, and even assumed. Resmaa Manekem says, “I think for leaders, a lot of times, they don’t spend enough time actually cultivating a container that can withstand that urge, inquiry, that urgency. And they just override it and get on to the next thing.”

Just like refuge offers protection and shelter, cultivating a container allows holding and support, which in turn, allows for a process or group of people to deepen. As I continued to practice supporting the agreement process, I saw the necessity to actively engage in questions like: What type of culture are we co-creating? What are agreeing to while we are together? Whether it is a women’s retreat or a trauma-sensitive mindfulness group for teenagers or even a friendship or romantic relationship, spending time creating agreements together is a foundational way to co-creating a community that each is supported by.

So where does one start in creating agreements? In the Kosambiya Sutta (MN48), the Buddha offers a teaching on creating “reverence, unity, friendliness and love for each other” to a Sangha who is quarreling and disagreeing. In short, we are encouraged to be rooted in loving kindness (metta) towards the other, whether through speech, thought, and action. We are encouraged to share whatever generosity we have obtained equally, to dedicate ourselves to developing virtues and an awakened mind.

It is up to each community to develop a culture that they want to and feel they can belong to. Agreements are living, meaning they can be edited, changed, removed or added. While in my daily life, I have my own personal agreements around non-harming, based off of the first five ethical guidelines (or precepts) of Buddhism; in groups, I tend to suggest agreements around inclusivity and care. For me, the goal is to build a foundation that allows participants to feel safe, engaged, supported, and cared for.

Agreements for a Loving Sangha can be offered as a lily pad to leap off of! It is imperative that all Sangha members actually agree to each one for it to be consensual and collaborative process. I also love East Bay Meditation Center’s “Agreements for Multicultural Interactions” as a launching pad.