Agreements for a Loving Sangha

After writing Foundations for a Loving Sangha, highlighting the importance of creating agreements as a community, I want to offer a list of agreements I often use when facilitating a new learning community. To reiterate: Agreements are living and can be changed. All community members must consent to each agreement for them to be utile!

1. Confidentiality: What is shared together, stays contained within the group. Perhaps, part of this agreement is that participants can discuss their own experience outside the group without naming another’s experience.
2. Step up, step back: Let’s make room for everyone’s voice! Some folks based on identity and/or privilege, tend to speak up a lot. For those, it can be beneficial to practice leaning back sometimes. And for those who tend to be shy sharing or believe their voice is unwelcome, there can be an invitation to practice jumping in.
3. Use “I” (not “you” or “WE”): Speak from your experience only. While sometimes we assume our experience is shared by others, many of us are having totally different experiences! Avoid assuming what others feel or experience.
4. Honoring space and pace: Let folks who are speaking finish what they are saying before jumping in. Each person has different processing speeds. It can be so kind to really offer someone else enough space to take their time with what wants to be communicated and create a cross-talk free zone.
5. You can pass: Everyone has choice and agency around sharing. No reason/explanation needed if someone does not want to share – just say “pass”.
6. Speak from the heart: Practice speaking your truth, grounding in the heart and body; practice noticing when your attention has wandered and return to your current experience.
7. Listen from the heart: Practice listening with a kind, non-judgmental, accepting awareness.
8. Take care of you: Prioritize the needs of your body. If you need to move your body or go to the bathroom or get a drink of water, know that you have that freedom.
9. Take care of us: Care for your community! That can mean being quiet when another is talking, offering support when needed, etc.

These are just some ideas! See what works for your community. I also love East Bay Meditation Center’s “Agreements for Multicultural Interactions” as a launching pad.